nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
