Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
