half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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