I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
