Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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