I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
