mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
