you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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