Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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