If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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