I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
