Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
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