I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
