so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
