they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
