he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
