Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
