Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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