they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
