i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
