Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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