Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
