I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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