He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
