what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
