i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
