oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
