Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
