I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
