She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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