I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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