I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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