I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
