guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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