I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize