It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
