Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
