ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
