Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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