dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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