Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
