I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
