i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
