I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
