Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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