We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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