please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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