youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
