I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
