I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
