Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
