I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
