My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
