This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
