I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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