we have pet lesbian snakes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
this is an emotional support booty call
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
