i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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