So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
