i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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