I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
