The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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