i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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