what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
