I love having hate sex.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
