I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
