If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
