Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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