absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
tonight lets celebrate not being married
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
