I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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