If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
