i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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