I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
