I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
